The 10 Most Unattractive Songs That You Can Now Make Your Tinder Anthem

The 10 Most Unattractive Songs That You Can Now Make Your Tinder Anthem

2015 was the year pop stars invaded our dating apps. Mariah Carey was on; Zedd, Jason Derulo, and Luke Bryan all premiered music through Tinder; and newly-divorced Hilary Duff made an entire music video about the app. I wrote an extensive essay about this phenomenon, and the thesis is pretty much just: “The future is fucking bleak.” 


But now, music will become one of the premier ways you can find matches on Tinder. The app generally sorts singles based on individual users’ preferences. Age, gender, mutual friends, and location are all taken into account, and today Spotify announced that it partnered with the app to make a user’s taste in music a deciding factor. Tinder profiles will now include users’ top Spotify artists, as well as the option to select a single song that really tells the rest of the world what you’re all about. They’re calling it an “Anthem,” which I suppose you can think of as walk up music:

It’s that one single track that tells your story. That one song you can’t get out of your head. Where the lyrics of your life meet the rhythm of your soul. It may change as you change, but at any given time, you have an anthem—and the world is waiting to hear it. Spotify is giving all Tinder users, with or without a Spotify account, the unique ability to add an Anthem to their profile.

Here’s what it looks like in practice:

(What fucking company do these people work for?)

Alright. So, this begs the question: what are the worst songs a potential match could select as their personal anthem? Here are 10, old and new, that will ensure you’re gonna get left-swiped until hell swallows us whole:

Alternately, all Tinder users could just make Nelly’s “Hot In Herre” their anthem and save the poor dude from his tax lien. Plus, “Hot In Herre” fucking rules! Don’t @ me. What’s the least attractive anthem you can think of? Please add to this list in the comments below.

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